The Segregation of Public Space

For as long as I can remember I have been aware of the existence of gay bars, clubs, and neighborhoods; it was not until this past weekend, however, that I realized just how expansive the designation of “gay space” truly is. For Spring Break this year I was fortunate enough to spend part of my time on the beach in Miami. For those of you who have never been, South Beach is a very long (and crowded) stretch of sand and deciding where to lay your towel make take a little time and a lot of walking. Luckily though. I did not brave the beach alone but instead was guided by my friend who is a native of the area. One day while we were deciding where to lie out my friend pointed to a section of the beach that was enclosed by rainbow flags and informed that it was the “gay section”. Although I have never really given much thought to gay hangouts, there was something about this strip of “gay” sand that made me feel the designating, labeling and dividing of public space had gone too far. After all, this beach was a public beach so who was it that got to say which sexualities belonged where? There is no “straight section” of the beach formally marked by flags, so why does this “gay section” exist? While I’m sure an entire paper can be (and has been) written on just this question, my thoughts did not end here.

Instead, next I began to wonder who is it that benefitted from this creation of “gay space”? Of course, right away I viewed this space as another way for heterosexual culture to assert its dominance as the “normal” culture while marginalizing all other gender representations and sexualities. By deeming half a mile of sand for homosexuals it becomes clear that the rest of the beach is for heterosexuals. This not only grants the “normal” sexuality the majority of the space but also turns public space into one that must be divided and separated between different sexualities rather than shared. However, I believe there is more to this space than it’s reinforcing of hetero-normative public space. I believe that the siphoning of this “gay space” in some ways benefits homosexuals as well. As history shows, the creation of gay spaces has amounted for different reasons: one, the controlling of public space after WWII made it impossible for people who went against hetero-normative sexuality and gender displays to be free publically; and two, statistically homosexuals are the minority and designated spaces for homosexuals in the past (and probably still in the present) made it easier for people to find communities of other homosexuals to engage with. In this way, “gay space” within “public space” may be both beneficial and preferred by homosexual culture, as well. So if this space can be helpful to both cultures in some ways is it acceptable?

While it can be argued that the designation of “gay space” within “public space” has its upsides, ultimately I think it is undeniable that the labeling of any public space for certain sexualities, ethnicities, genders or classes completely undermines the idea of public space. Therefore, whether the rainbow flagged “gay section” of the beach was enjoyed by homosexuals as well as heterosexuals or ignored by all, it is time the flags come down and public space become just that: public.

Outing the Gays

I’m sitting in my living room drinking and eating with some of my closest friends and the topic of sexuality (inevitably) comes up. One of my friends starts to discuss a boy she has recently made out with although she believes he is gay. She goes on to tell us that even though he is “so obviously gay” he instead describes himself as “the most fashionable straight guy you’ll ever meet”. Of course, from there everyone else starts throwing out names of boys they have the same “issue” with. Quickly, the conversation has gone from boys we’ve made out with to boys who just will not “admit” they are gay. If these girls are so sure that these boys are gay then why do they need the boys to clarify it? Better yet, why do they even care? Suddenly it dawns on me: we are afraid of what we do not understand, and in this society, we do not understand people without labels.

From day one we are taught to believe people are sorted into categories: boy-girl; white-black; lefty-righty. Everywhere we look we are categorized and put into a group based on some trait that is supposed to define us and sexuality is one of the most prominent ways we do this. Like with all other categories, however, when someone defies or ignores the group other people have chosen for him the public becomes dismantled. For this reason, when our friend who has very effeminate mannerisms and everyone believes he is gay says he is heterosexual all of a sudden his sexuality becomes everyone’s business and everyone’s problem. In my opinion, the bigger problem is that it matters to anyone but the individual in question.

As the conversation continues all the girls declare (because God forbid someone accidentally gets labeled homophobic) that they don’t care if the boy is gay and they would like him so much more if he would just come out and tell the world he is. Which is where today’s society inevitably lies: a society that would like to be deemed accepting yet only accepts when everyone follows the rules and clearly labels themselves for the benefit of others.

 

Biology and Sexuality

I was having a discussion with some of my friends the other day, both guys and girls were present, and we got onto the subject of older women and older men.  The guys were saying that it’s a lot easier for a younger woman to be attracted to an older guy becuase, biologically, the older man is still able to procreate.  However, once women reach a certain age, they are unable to have children, and therefore younger men are not biologically programmed to be interested in older women.  Honestly,  I had never really considered the issue before, but the boys were making an intersting point.  After a little more discussion they also described that they thought the entire reason that men are attracted to women with curvy figures and women are attracted to men who have large, masculine features is simply biological.  Furthermore, they reduced sexual attraction, in general, to biology.  While this is not a completely unheard of perspective, it seems hard to actually believe.

Why is it that there are so many people who are not attracted to sex with will lead to procreation. 

“What was wrong with those people!?”

You know, over this Thanksgiving break I was given a wealth of information to post on this blog about.  I took a roadtrip to Southern Florida with three male friends.  All of them 100% just friends, although, as one could imagine, when I told my parents I was skipping out on Turkey at Gramma’s to beach it up with Peanut Butter and Jelly’s and three males, they were a little suspicious of my motivations.  This is the first place something from this class came into play: heteronormativity.  I’m a big fan of roadtrips.  My best friend Jill and I have driven all over the country together, and until we mention something about visiting John or staying the night with Josh, they assume that there’s not going to be anything going on with Jill.  But once John or Josh are brough into the picture, they assume because of their heteronormative outlook that simple because they are males and I am a female, something will happen.

The second place I saw concepts from this class being played out on this trip was with the boys that I was with.  Our first night there was the night before Thanksgiving, which we found out was the biggest bar night in America.  So, we decided to try to find some bars.  The second we walked in, one of my friends immediately started getting hit on my an older woman.  She was probably in her mid-40’s, but the even more “scandalous” part about it was that she was there with her fiance… who not only didn’t seem to mind, he was helping her out!  After having a few conversations with one of their friends and a few other people, we soon discovered that I was the next target for the male.  After informing him that I was not interested and leaving the bar, my guy friends and I had about an hour long conversation about how “crazy” our encounter was– “It was crazy that that woman hit on me and her fiance didn’t even seem to mind!”  “Do you think they were swingers?”  “Obviously their marriage isn’t going to work out!'” “What was wrong with those people!?” “They were soooo messed up!”– and the list goes on and on.  However, after I stepped back and thought about the incident in the light of the charmed circle and the monogamous dyad I realized that just because none of us were apparently interested in having the same sexual experience that this couple was, this doesn’t mean that they were crazy or wrong or that they were “messed up.”  The part that I found most interesting about the whole encounter was the fact that this couple felt comfortable and confident enough to try and make something like that happen in a sex zone that seemed to not be their own.  Despite our encounter, we returned to this bar at least two more times over the course of our stay in Florida and I can testify that the bar was undoubtedly a sex zone belonging to the charmed circle.  However, this couple was unafraid to operate in such a space.  After I stepped back from myself and thought about the theory that we’ve discussed in this class, I realized that I was really proud of this couple.  I felt bad for treating them so badly and being so offended that they thought my friend and I would be interested in participating in the type of sexuality they practiced.  Even though I don’t think we offended them by politely declining their offer, we still walked away and talked about how weird they were outside the bar– I should have known better.

Floridians from Boca Raton two weeks ago, if you’re reading this, I appologize.  I should have told you how much I admire your openness and how proud I am that you don’t feel pressured to conform to the norms of monogamy or to be scared off by cross-generational sex. Here’s to the Floridians from Bru’s!

FREE SEX!

In Copenhagen, Denmark a sexual scandal recently surrounded the city’s massive United Nation’s Climate Conference (COP15). Prior to COP15 Copenhagen Mayor Ritt Bjerregaard issued postcards to over 160 of the city’s hotels urging visiting delegates and guests to not to purchase sex from prostitutes. According to Danish news website Speigel.de, the postcards read, “Dear hotel owner, we would like to urge you not to arrange contacts between hotel guests and prostitutes”. Copenhagen’s are prostitutes are livid about the government’s interference with their business and in response are offering free sex to COP15 delegates and attendees. Prostitution is a legal profession in Denmark and the Sex Workers Interest Group has issued a public statement accusing Copenhagen’s politicians of “sheer discrimination”.

Mayor Ritt Bjerregaard’s postcards are a blatant attempt to regulate and produce a narrower ideal of sexuality, which, in this case, does not include prostitution. By issuing this request to hotels, the government is facilitating social stratification based on sexual practices and occupation choice. Discouraging individuals from purchasing sex from prostitutes has the direct potential of stiffing a prostitutes ability to work and earn a living. In keeping with the notion of sexual stratification, limiting prostitutes’ access to resources translates to a marginalized position in the sexually stratified hierarchy. Given this, I must agree with Denmark’s Sex Works Interest Group assertion that such an act is discrimination.

The retaliatory strategies of the prostitutes have the potential to effectively in challenge the government’s endeavors to regulate prostitution. By using sex and sexuality as strategy for more political gains, the prostitutes are revealing the extent to which sex is political. On top of that, it’s just plain creative! Who said women couldn’t use their own sexuality to their advantage?

Warning: Cougar on the Prowl

Ahoy!  This morning the first International Cougar Cruise left San Diego.  This cruise is the first of its kind.  It is aimed at cougars (older, sexually charged women looking for some young men) and cubs (young, attractive men looking for an older woman).  The guest of honor on board the ship will be Miss Cougar America who was selected at the National Single Cougars Convention this August.  The cubs who attended the conference were the ones who decided the winner.  The Cougar Cruise and Convention are based on Valerie Gibson’s book entitled Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men.  In this, Gibson states that “a cougar is the new breed of single, older woman—confident, sophisticated, desirable, and sexy. She knows exactly what she wants. What she doesn’t want is children, cohabitation, or commitment.”

The cruise is co-sponsored by the Singles Travel Company and the Society of Single Professionals.  It will last for three nights and is advertised to be fun-filled with lots of dinners, dancing, and partying.  Interestingly enough, this cruise sold out almost instantly.  In fact, the company that sponsored the event had to hire more staff, just to be able to take all of the phone calls!

When reading about this cruise, I began to wonder, how different would the discourse surrounding this cruise be if the older participant were male?  Would they change the theme from “cougars and cubs” to “pedophiles and gold-diggers?”  I find it interesting that although Gayle Rubin places “those whose eroticism transgresses generational boundaries” at the bottom of the hierarchy of acts, a cruise with older women and younger men is considered to be funny and liberating for women.  Have media influences, such as Courtney Cox’s television show, Cougartown or the highly publicized marriage between Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, influenced the perception of relationships between older women and younger men?  Or has the stigma towards cross-generational relationships always applied more to men than to women?

A possible explanation for this discrepancy is the cultural perceptions of masculinity and femininity.  Catherine Waldby’s description of the masculine imago displays men as strong “destroyers” and women as receptive and “destroyed.”  Fields says that in her experience with sex education courses, young boys and girls are taught to perceive males as sexually aggressive and in control.  Could it be that perceptions of the gentle, submissive woman compared to the strong, predatory man could be what creates this inconsistency?  Older men are considered to be even more predatory than younger men, whereas older woman are considered to be classier and more refined than younger woman.  Since a woman cannot (yeah, right) dominant a man, it is considered to be a much more acceptable interaction than were it the other way around. So have fun cougars and cubs!

Hegemonic Sexuality and Knowledge…how will we use what we know??

Our final paper focuses on hegemonic sexuality and how it is either reflected, maintained, or challenged. I chose to analyze song lyrics and after going through many songs by various artists from varying genres, it was quite apparent that hegemonic sexuality is maintained in a majority of all the songs. By actually having to look at the lyrics in depth so I could see what the artists were saying, it helped to see how people view the way that things work in our everyday lives. Take music for instance, probably all of us in this class alone listen to music almost everyday of our lives. What do we continuously hear? Songs that tell of broken hearts, money, sex, love, family, tough times, etc. All the while, almost all the subjects maintain the normative views that we have been raised to believe and not question at all. Well, this got me thinking to the grand level that we have been influenced to think this certain way. Almost everything around us, screams maintain hegemonic sexuality (with a few exceptions)! Sports, billboards that we see when we are driving on the streets, pictures of models posing together, t.v. shows, movies, commercials, stores in the malls, cars, alcohol, cigarettes, cologne, perfume, deodorant, soap, shampoo, laundry detergent, etc. Almost everything that exists is made based off of male and female gender stratification and re-enforces these notions that the male gender is dominant, i.e deodorant for men called Axe and for women Secret.

Even condoms are distinctively differentiated: condoms for women are called “Her pleasure” and are purple in color, whereas for the names are “Trojan”, “Magnum”, “Champion”, and are black and gold.  Again, the notion of men being the penetrator and women being penetrated and being submissive is represented by condoms. When it truth, a man cannot penetrate a women unless is gives approval, and vise versa for men also. (of course under other horrible circumstances such as rape) Therefore, the act is and should be viewed as equal.

The more I have realized just how sexualized everything around us is, the more I want to try to use the things I have learned in this class to try to change it. Ever since our class discussion regarding sexuality and telling people that that we’re not homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual when someone asks us, I began using this in my life. I have tried to convince some of my friends to start doing the same but I have had a hard time explaining and changing their mindset. However, I sometimes get frustrated because I feel like I have gained so much knowledge from this class that I want everyone around me to gain some insight so that they could change their way of thinking. In the last class, we talked about what we can do with all the things that we have learned about in this class and I truly feel like this is the greatest challenge after taking a class like this. When things happen now, thoughts are triggered from this class and I think about the theories and class discussions we have had in class.

Knowledge truly does give us power, however, only if you know what to do with and how to influence others with that knowledge.I feel like I have grown and have changed many of my previous thoughts and beliefs. I look forward to using the things that I have learned from this class in my life from now on since the sociology of sexuality is truly prevalent in our lives.

Fighting for the Virgins

On Thanksgiving this year, I sat down with my family to watch the CNN Heroes of the Year television program.  My family and I saw the show last year and could not wait to watch again.  Last we year we laughed, we cried (mostly cried), and we felt empowered by those that we had watched.  Throughout break I had been slowly reading through Field’s work, Risky Lessons: Sex Education and Social Inequality.  So, when I saw the story of CNN Hero, Betty Makoni, two thoughts instantly came to mind.  The first was- this woman is amazing.  The second was- damn failure of sex education again.  Let me begin by elaborating on the first thought.

When Betty Makoni was six-years-old, she was raped by a local shopkeeper.  She told her mother about the incident and her mother shushed her, told her not to talk about such things in public, and would not allow her to report the abuse.  She remembers feeling completely alone.  Three years later, Betty experienced tragedy again when she watched her father murder her mother.  She says that this is the moment she realized the potentially life-threatening consequences of a woman’s silence.  She told herself that no girl or woman would ever suffer that way again.

Betty knew that education would be her route to activism and the future and so she obtain two university degrees and became a teacher.  When she noticed that her female students were rapidly dropping out of school, she decided that she and her students should develop a place where they could talk and try to find solutions to their problems.  This is how Betty’s foundation, Girl Child Network (GCN) was created.  Within a year there were over 100 GCN clubs around Zimbabwe and in 2001, the first empowerment village was founded as safe haven for girls who have been abused.  Immediately upon arrival at the empowerment village, girls are provided with emergency medical care, counseling, and are reinstated in school.  Betty’s hope is that the empowerment village “gives them the confidence to transform from victims to leaders.”  Today, the GCN has 700 girls’ clubs and three empowerment villages across Zimbabwe.

The “virgin myth” is a widely held belief that if a man who has contracted HIV or AIDS rapes a virgin; he will be cured of the disease.  This myth, which has led to the rape of hundreds of girls, is perpetuated by Zimbabwe traditional healers.  Ten girls per day in Zimbabwe report being raped.  Some of the victims are too young to walk and are certainly unable to defend themselves.  Since the majority of the men who rape these girls have HIV or AIDS, that is 3,600 potential new cases of HIV each year caused by the “virgin myth.” This is where Betty comes in.  She fights to protect young girls from sexual abuse and helps those who have been abused.  Since 2001, Betty’s network (GCN) has rescued more than 35,000 girls from abuse and given thousands more the courage to speak out.  Despite having to flee to England in 2008 due to threats on her safety, Makoni is happy and is truly a hero.  She says that “in girls I see myself every day.”

So, now that I have described the amazing Betty Makoni, I will explain why this made me so angry towards sex education.  I have always hated abstinence-only education (even before I knew that it reinforced heteronormativity).  I feel that teaching children nothing is never the best option.  Even if a few more children out there abstain from sexual activity until marriage because of their middle school sex education class (I’m not holding my breath), there will be students who do have sex and there is no reason to send these children out into the world of sexuality unprepared.  This is how accidents happen.  However, what truly upset me about abstinence-only education, which related to Betty Makoni and her brave foundation, was the idea that not only are sex education policies omitting information, they are also altering it!  Instead of providing students with medically accurate information, “teachers must insist that abstinence until marriage is the only sexual choice that will not cause harm to individual, family, and society” (Fields 15).  I think it is terrible that schools are not providing students with accurate information about sex and instead are providing them with myths.  As Betty Makoni’s story should illustrate, sexual myths have the potential to spread and damage a lot of people.  I think that in a developed, Western society such as ours, children should be given the opportunity to make their own decisions, but at least be prepared for whatever decision they choice to make.

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Necrophilia and Pedophilia and Bestiality! Oh my!

I know that a post below me covered Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a personal favorite of mine, and Twilight, but I want to look at the vampires in True Blood and New Moon. New Moon deals with some topics pretty far outside Rubin’s “charmed circle.” There’s cross-generational relationships—Edward Cullen, the dreamy vampire lead, is after all, over one hundred years old. However, that little factoid is quite obviously ignored, as he looks just like a teenager.

This idea of the ageless vampire makes me think of cross-generational relationships. Age differences are so easily accepted when it’s dealing with fictional vampires. Edward and Bella of Twilight fame, Buffy and Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Sookie and Bill in True Blood. In all of these examples, the vampire is always the man- because don’t we accept age differences when the male is older? While obviously vampires are not real, cross-generational relationships are the ones abhorred by the rest of the world. In a cross-generational relationship, people look at the older member of the dyad as being deviant. I wonder how people would react if Twilight featured a female vampire who was hundreds of years old, and a young boy? After all, avoiding cross-generational relationships purpose is to keep children “pure.” Well, in Twilight everyone stays pure, so I guess the age gap ceases to exist. 

Winter Formals, Prom… is it worth all the trouble?

The other night at Zea’s my friends and I went to celebrate my birthday and there was a party of teenagers dressed in formal wear because of winter formal, we assumed. My friends and I got to talking about winter formal and our prom nights and what happened. To cut a long story short I will begin with my prom night began with everything that was planned; we had a champagne party with all the other couples who were riding in the limo with us. After the champagne party was over, it was off to prom we went. Although I was not originally very excited about the idea of prom I was having a good time spending time with my comrades. The night was a complete success. We danced to our hearts content, took pictures, talked and laughed the night away. After prom, we went to Denny’s for a late night dinner. I was under the impression that we were calling it a night, as I was expecting to be dropped off back at home when I heard one of my female friends request to be taken to a hotel on the opposite side of town. Confused I asked “what’s going on at the hotel?” Apparently I was naive because I was the only person in the limo who was unaware why we were detouring to a hotel.

We pulled into the hotel entrance and walked to the front desk where one of my friends checked us in to two adjoining hotel rooms. We all went upstairs, went into the rooms and continued conversing and laughing for about an hour, then the other two couples disappeared, leaving my date and I in the hotel room by ourselves. My date then attempted to kiss me and when I asked him what he was doing he smugly replied “trying to kiss you…this is what happens after prom.” I was appalled. I explained to him that I had no interest in him in that way and that I was certainly not going to have sex with him. He took that as an invitation for coercion and kept trying to force the issue “come on, what do you think they’re doing in the next room?” “we’re friends, right?” “I thought you liked me. “ This exchange lasted for about 10 minutes; angry and embarassed, I left the room and called for a cab to take me home. I couldn’t believe one of my best friends would do such a thing.

As I told my story to my friends, they all agreed that the hotel scene was what most kids did after prom and that it was just the thing to do. This made me think about “learned heterosexuality” and how one learns to think heterosexuality is the way to be because they are socialized to believe that. This is the same for prom nights in which young girls and guys are pressured and taught to believe that having sex is just the thing to do. Also, I realize now that my friend then had pressures of his own because he felt like just because our friends were having sex that we had to also. Furthermore, he was socialized to think that he would be able to get me to say yes to him by trying to kiss on me and telling me certain things. However, I was glad that I realized I did not take the submissive role even back then. Although, it made me think just how many girls do end up taking that role on prom night when they truly don’t want to.  So, is Promworth all the trouble?