The Segregation of Public Space

For as long as I can remember I have been aware of the existence of gay bars, clubs, and neighborhoods; it was not until this past weekend, however, that I realized just how expansive the designation of “gay space” truly is. For Spring Break this year I was fortunate enough to spend part of my time on the beach in Miami. For those of you who have never been, South Beach is a very long (and crowded) stretch of sand and deciding where to lay your towel make take a little time and a lot of walking. Luckily though. I did not brave the beach alone but instead was guided by my friend who is a native of the area. One day while we were deciding where to lie out my friend pointed to a section of the beach that was enclosed by rainbow flags and informed that it was the “gay section”. Although I have never really given much thought to gay hangouts, there was something about this strip of “gay” sand that made me feel the designating, labeling and dividing of public space had gone too far. After all, this beach was a public beach so who was it that got to say which sexualities belonged where? There is no “straight section” of the beach formally marked by flags, so why does this “gay section” exist? While I’m sure an entire paper can be (and has been) written on just this question, my thoughts did not end here.

Instead, next I began to wonder who is it that benefitted from this creation of “gay space”? Of course, right away I viewed this space as another way for heterosexual culture to assert its dominance as the “normal” culture while marginalizing all other gender representations and sexualities. By deeming half a mile of sand for homosexuals it becomes clear that the rest of the beach is for heterosexuals. This not only grants the “normal” sexuality the majority of the space but also turns public space into one that must be divided and separated between different sexualities rather than shared. However, I believe there is more to this space than it’s reinforcing of hetero-normative public space. I believe that the siphoning of this “gay space” in some ways benefits homosexuals as well. As history shows, the creation of gay spaces has amounted for different reasons: one, the controlling of public space after WWII made it impossible for people who went against hetero-normative sexuality and gender displays to be free publically; and two, statistically homosexuals are the minority and designated spaces for homosexuals in the past (and probably still in the present) made it easier for people to find communities of other homosexuals to engage with. In this way, “gay space” within “public space” may be both beneficial and preferred by homosexual culture, as well. So if this space can be helpful to both cultures in some ways is it acceptable?

While it can be argued that the designation of “gay space” within “public space” has its upsides, ultimately I think it is undeniable that the labeling of any public space for certain sexualities, ethnicities, genders or classes completely undermines the idea of public space. Therefore, whether the rainbow flagged “gay section” of the beach was enjoyed by homosexuals as well as heterosexuals or ignored by all, it is time the flags come down and public space become just that: public.

Outing the Gays

I’m sitting in my living room drinking and eating with some of my closest friends and the topic of sexuality (inevitably) comes up. One of my friends starts to discuss a boy she has recently made out with although she believes he is gay. She goes on to tell us that even though he is “so obviously gay” he instead describes himself as “the most fashionable straight guy you’ll ever meet”. Of course, from there everyone else starts throwing out names of boys they have the same “issue” with. Quickly, the conversation has gone from boys we’ve made out with to boys who just will not “admit” they are gay. If these girls are so sure that these boys are gay then why do they need the boys to clarify it? Better yet, why do they even care? Suddenly it dawns on me: we are afraid of what we do not understand, and in this society, we do not understand people without labels.

From day one we are taught to believe people are sorted into categories: boy-girl; white-black; lefty-righty. Everywhere we look we are categorized and put into a group based on some trait that is supposed to define us and sexuality is one of the most prominent ways we do this. Like with all other categories, however, when someone defies or ignores the group other people have chosen for him the public becomes dismantled. For this reason, when our friend who has very effeminate mannerisms and everyone believes he is gay says he is heterosexual all of a sudden his sexuality becomes everyone’s business and everyone’s problem. In my opinion, the bigger problem is that it matters to anyone but the individual in question.

As the conversation continues all the girls declare (because God forbid someone accidentally gets labeled homophobic) that they don’t care if the boy is gay and they would like him so much more if he would just come out and tell the world he is. Which is where today’s society inevitably lies: a society that would like to be deemed accepting yet only accepts when everyone follows the rules and clearly labels themselves for the benefit of others.

 

Biology and Sexuality

I was having a discussion with some of my friends the other day, both guys and girls were present, and we got onto the subject of older women and older men.  The guys were saying that it’s a lot easier for a younger woman to be attracted to an older guy becuase, biologically, the older man is still able to procreate.  However, once women reach a certain age, they are unable to have children, and therefore younger men are not biologically programmed to be interested in older women.  Honestly,  I had never really considered the issue before, but the boys were making an intersting point.  After a little more discussion they also described that they thought the entire reason that men are attracted to women with curvy figures and women are attracted to men who have large, masculine features is simply biological.  Furthermore, they reduced sexual attraction, in general, to biology.  While this is not a completely unheard of perspective, it seems hard to actually believe.

Why is it that there are so many people who are not attracted to sex with will lead to procreation. 

“What was wrong with those people!?”

You know, over this Thanksgiving break I was given a wealth of information to post on this blog about.  I took a roadtrip to Southern Florida with three male friends.  All of them 100% just friends, although, as one could imagine, when I told my parents I was skipping out on Turkey at Gramma’s to beach it up with Peanut Butter and Jelly’s and three males, they were a little suspicious of my motivations.  This is the first place something from this class came into play: heteronormativity.  I’m a big fan of roadtrips.  My best friend Jill and I have driven all over the country together, and until we mention something about visiting John or staying the night with Josh, they assume that there’s not going to be anything going on with Jill.  But once John or Josh are brough into the picture, they assume because of their heteronormative outlook that simple because they are males and I am a female, something will happen.

The second place I saw concepts from this class being played out on this trip was with the boys that I was with.  Our first night there was the night before Thanksgiving, which we found out was the biggest bar night in America.  So, we decided to try to find some bars.  The second we walked in, one of my friends immediately started getting hit on my an older woman.  She was probably in her mid-40’s, but the even more “scandalous” part about it was that she was there with her fiance… who not only didn’t seem to mind, he was helping her out!  After having a few conversations with one of their friends and a few other people, we soon discovered that I was the next target for the male.  After informing him that I was not interested and leaving the bar, my guy friends and I had about an hour long conversation about how “crazy” our encounter was– “It was crazy that that woman hit on me and her fiance didn’t even seem to mind!”  “Do you think they were swingers?”  “Obviously their marriage isn’t going to work out!'” “What was wrong with those people!?” “They were soooo messed up!”– and the list goes on and on.  However, after I stepped back and thought about the incident in the light of the charmed circle and the monogamous dyad I realized that just because none of us were apparently interested in having the same sexual experience that this couple was, this doesn’t mean that they were crazy or wrong or that they were “messed up.”  The part that I found most interesting about the whole encounter was the fact that this couple felt comfortable and confident enough to try and make something like that happen in a sex zone that seemed to not be their own.  Despite our encounter, we returned to this bar at least two more times over the course of our stay in Florida and I can testify that the bar was undoubtedly a sex zone belonging to the charmed circle.  However, this couple was unafraid to operate in such a space.  After I stepped back from myself and thought about the theory that we’ve discussed in this class, I realized that I was really proud of this couple.  I felt bad for treating them so badly and being so offended that they thought my friend and I would be interested in participating in the type of sexuality they practiced.  Even though I don’t think we offended them by politely declining their offer, we still walked away and talked about how weird they were outside the bar– I should have known better.

Floridians from Boca Raton two weeks ago, if you’re reading this, I appologize.  I should have told you how much I admire your openness and how proud I am that you don’t feel pressured to conform to the norms of monogamy or to be scared off by cross-generational sex. Here’s to the Floridians from Bru’s!

Warning: Cougar on the Prowl

Ahoy!  This morning the first International Cougar Cruise left San Diego.  This cruise is the first of its kind.  It is aimed at cougars (older, sexually charged women looking for some young men) and cubs (young, attractive men looking for an older woman).  The guest of honor on board the ship will be Miss Cougar America who was selected at the National Single Cougars Convention this August.  The cubs who attended the conference were the ones who decided the winner.  The Cougar Cruise and Convention are based on Valerie Gibson’s book entitled Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men.  In this, Gibson states that “a cougar is the new breed of single, older woman—confident, sophisticated, desirable, and sexy. She knows exactly what she wants. What she doesn’t want is children, cohabitation, or commitment.”

The cruise is co-sponsored by the Singles Travel Company and the Society of Single Professionals.  It will last for three nights and is advertised to be fun-filled with lots of dinners, dancing, and partying.  Interestingly enough, this cruise sold out almost instantly.  In fact, the company that sponsored the event had to hire more staff, just to be able to take all of the phone calls!

When reading about this cruise, I began to wonder, how different would the discourse surrounding this cruise be if the older participant were male?  Would they change the theme from “cougars and cubs” to “pedophiles and gold-diggers?”  I find it interesting that although Gayle Rubin places “those whose eroticism transgresses generational boundaries” at the bottom of the hierarchy of acts, a cruise with older women and younger men is considered to be funny and liberating for women.  Have media influences, such as Courtney Cox’s television show, Cougartown or the highly publicized marriage between Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, influenced the perception of relationships between older women and younger men?  Or has the stigma towards cross-generational relationships always applied more to men than to women?

A possible explanation for this discrepancy is the cultural perceptions of masculinity and femininity.  Catherine Waldby’s description of the masculine imago displays men as strong “destroyers” and women as receptive and “destroyed.”  Fields says that in her experience with sex education courses, young boys and girls are taught to perceive males as sexually aggressive and in control.  Could it be that perceptions of the gentle, submissive woman compared to the strong, predatory man could be what creates this inconsistency?  Older men are considered to be even more predatory than younger men, whereas older woman are considered to be classier and more refined than younger woman.  Since a woman cannot (yeah, right) dominant a man, it is considered to be a much more acceptable interaction than were it the other way around. So have fun cougars and cubs!

Hegemonic Sexuality and Knowledge…how will we use what we know??

Our final paper focuses on hegemonic sexuality and how it is either reflected, maintained, or challenged. I chose to analyze song lyrics and after going through many songs by various artists from varying genres, it was quite apparent that hegemonic sexuality is maintained in a majority of all the songs. By actually having to look at the lyrics in depth so I could see what the artists were saying, it helped to see how people view the way that things work in our everyday lives. Take music for instance, probably all of us in this class alone listen to music almost everyday of our lives. What do we continuously hear? Songs that tell of broken hearts, money, sex, love, family, tough times, etc. All the while, almost all the subjects maintain the normative views that we have been raised to believe and not question at all. Well, this got me thinking to the grand level that we have been influenced to think this certain way. Almost everything around us, screams maintain hegemonic sexuality (with a few exceptions)! Sports, billboards that we see when we are driving on the streets, pictures of models posing together, t.v. shows, movies, commercials, stores in the malls, cars, alcohol, cigarettes, cologne, perfume, deodorant, soap, shampoo, laundry detergent, etc. Almost everything that exists is made based off of male and female gender stratification and re-enforces these notions that the male gender is dominant, i.e deodorant for men called Axe and for women Secret.

Even condoms are distinctively differentiated: condoms for women are called “Her pleasure” and are purple in color, whereas for the names are “Trojan”, “Magnum”, “Champion”, and are black and gold.  Again, the notion of men being the penetrator and women being penetrated and being submissive is represented by condoms. When it truth, a man cannot penetrate a women unless is gives approval, and vise versa for men also. (of course under other horrible circumstances such as rape) Therefore, the act is and should be viewed as equal.

The more I have realized just how sexualized everything around us is, the more I want to try to use the things I have learned in this class to try to change it. Ever since our class discussion regarding sexuality and telling people that that we’re not homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual when someone asks us, I began using this in my life. I have tried to convince some of my friends to start doing the same but I have had a hard time explaining and changing their mindset. However, I sometimes get frustrated because I feel like I have gained so much knowledge from this class that I want everyone around me to gain some insight so that they could change their way of thinking. In the last class, we talked about what we can do with all the things that we have learned about in this class and I truly feel like this is the greatest challenge after taking a class like this. When things happen now, thoughts are triggered from this class and I think about the theories and class discussions we have had in class.

Knowledge truly does give us power, however, only if you know what to do with and how to influence others with that knowledge.I feel like I have grown and have changed many of my previous thoughts and beliefs. I look forward to using the things that I have learned from this class in my life from now on since the sociology of sexuality is truly prevalent in our lives.

Necrophilia and Pedophilia and Bestiality! Oh my!

I know that a post below me covered Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a personal favorite of mine, and Twilight, but I want to look at the vampires in True Blood and New Moon. New Moon deals with some topics pretty far outside Rubin’s “charmed circle.” There’s cross-generational relationships—Edward Cullen, the dreamy vampire lead, is after all, over one hundred years old. However, that little factoid is quite obviously ignored, as he looks just like a teenager.

This idea of the ageless vampire makes me think of cross-generational relationships. Age differences are so easily accepted when it’s dealing with fictional vampires. Edward and Bella of Twilight fame, Buffy and Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Sookie and Bill in True Blood. In all of these examples, the vampire is always the man- because don’t we accept age differences when the male is older? While obviously vampires are not real, cross-generational relationships are the ones abhorred by the rest of the world. In a cross-generational relationship, people look at the older member of the dyad as being deviant. I wonder how people would react if Twilight featured a female vampire who was hundreds of years old, and a young boy? After all, avoiding cross-generational relationships purpose is to keep children “pure.” Well, in Twilight everyone stays pure, so I guess the age gap ceases to exist. 

Winter Formals, Prom… is it worth all the trouble?

The other night at Zea’s my friends and I went to celebrate my birthday and there was a party of teenagers dressed in formal wear because of winter formal, we assumed. My friends and I got to talking about winter formal and our prom nights and what happened. To cut a long story short I will begin with my prom night began with everything that was planned; we had a champagne party with all the other couples who were riding in the limo with us. After the champagne party was over, it was off to prom we went. Although I was not originally very excited about the idea of prom I was having a good time spending time with my comrades. The night was a complete success. We danced to our hearts content, took pictures, talked and laughed the night away. After prom, we went to Denny’s for a late night dinner. I was under the impression that we were calling it a night, as I was expecting to be dropped off back at home when I heard one of my female friends request to be taken to a hotel on the opposite side of town. Confused I asked “what’s going on at the hotel?” Apparently I was naive because I was the only person in the limo who was unaware why we were detouring to a hotel.

We pulled into the hotel entrance and walked to the front desk where one of my friends checked us in to two adjoining hotel rooms. We all went upstairs, went into the rooms and continued conversing and laughing for about an hour, then the other two couples disappeared, leaving my date and I in the hotel room by ourselves. My date then attempted to kiss me and when I asked him what he was doing he smugly replied “trying to kiss you…this is what happens after prom.” I was appalled. I explained to him that I had no interest in him in that way and that I was certainly not going to have sex with him. He took that as an invitation for coercion and kept trying to force the issue “come on, what do you think they’re doing in the next room?” “we’re friends, right?” “I thought you liked me. “ This exchange lasted for about 10 minutes; angry and embarassed, I left the room and called for a cab to take me home. I couldn’t believe one of my best friends would do such a thing.

As I told my story to my friends, they all agreed that the hotel scene was what most kids did after prom and that it was just the thing to do. This made me think about “learned heterosexuality” and how one learns to think heterosexuality is the way to be because they are socialized to believe that. This is the same for prom nights in which young girls and guys are pressured and taught to believe that having sex is just the thing to do. Also, I realize now that my friend then had pressures of his own because he felt like just because our friends were having sex that we had to also. Furthermore, he was socialized to think that he would be able to get me to say yes to him by trying to kiss on me and telling me certain things. However, I was glad that I realized I did not take the submissive role even back then. Although, it made me think just how many girls do end up taking that role on prom night when they truly don’t want to.  So, is Promworth all the trouble?

Lazyboys are the hegemonic icon!

 

My dad died last May.  He and my mom had been married for 62 years.  That is a long time to be married; much less to one person.  She is lost, not quite sure how to fill her days.  Also, not quite sure what her role is without my father around. 

My parents married in 1947, right after my father returned from the war.  He went to work, she started having children.  It was the time of Tupperware, Avon, come-as-you are breakfast fundraisers and MacCarthyism.  Sunday dinner was fried chicken, mashed potatoes and homemade yeast rolls.  Life was good.  My father was a union man, and every paycheck garnered funds into his pension.

Until recently I never heard my mother say what she wanted.  She was a responder.  She responded to the needs and wants of her husband, and her children.

Now, her husband was dead and her children long since out of the house. She was no longer a responder.  While visiting with her recently I noticed a photograph on her desk.  It was of my two nieces and my nephew.

My nephew is eight years old.  His sister and their cousin – a female – are seven.  They’re cute.  They’re too young to be otherwise.  For their holiday photo last year, the three of them had it taken together.  My nephew, all eight years of him, was seated in a miniature lazy-boy, his legs positioned in a “manly” type cross.  My two nieces were on either side of him.  One kneeling on his left side with her hand demurely placed on his arm.  The other niece was standing at his side with her hand place on his shoulder.  I shuddered!  Ohhh, Ohhh!

I turned to my mom “Mom, what do you think of this photo?”  “The photo?” she asked.  “Yea,” I replied “where John is sitting in a miniature lazy boy and Joyce and Janis are on either side.  Why is he in the chair they aren’t?”  “Because he is the boy?” she responded.  Her faced changed, the color seemed to drain away.  She looked at me in a way I had never seen her look before.

We spent the next hour talking about men, penises, women, girls; in essence the hegemonic world that she lived in, and the current one that was enveloping my nieces and nephew.  We talked about why.  Why men are privileged; just because they are male.

I watched her.  What I did not say was that the poverty rate for widows – which she was one – has persistently been three to four times higher than that for elderly married women.  And that today women earn just 76 cents for every dollar a man earns, doing the very same job. 

 The high poverty rates among elderly women results from a number of factors. Women generally earn less during their work lives due to lower wages, occupational segregation and more time out of the paid labor force for family care-giving responsibilities. They therefore usually qualify for lower Social Security benefits on their own earnings record than men. In addition, they are less likely to have participated in employer pension programs and therefore receive smaller pension incomes. Finally, women have a longer life expectancy than men and therefore a higher likelihood of outliving their assets or having their savings and non-Social Security income eroded by inflation.

 If she had only had a penis she may have gotten a higher education; a better paying job; earned more money, and be more financially secure.  But she doesn’t.

Walking the Walk Outro

Now that the semester is over, I find it fitting to address my first blog.  Now that the course has ended, what do we think we can do?  Some classmates’ presentations in another course, Sociology of Childhood, has inspired an idea in me.  A few of the presentations focused on the content of teen magazines.  One was about advertisements and another about all other content besides advertisements including articles.  One colleague found that there were four main foci of teen magazine articles—beauty, health, fashion and something I’m forgetting.

I remember reading many of these magazines as a pre-teen and accumulating a lot of my “common sense” knowledge from these articles.  Some were about abusive relationships, dangerous age-inappropriate situations, fitting in, eating disorders, and paralysis from birth or after an accident.  If the content of these articles was more widespread the next generation could learn so much more.

Kids get indoctrinated in their culture from a young age.  If you’ve ever seen the documentary Jesus Camp, you know that the radical Christian right hosts camps and classes that indoctrinate children into a culture they don’t even understand.  In this case, this is a conservative culture that reinforces the charmed circle.  Since the conservatives are so organized, the liberals and those in favor of all liberties for everyone in and out of the circle need a way to counteract these forces, or offer an alternative option.  I’m not saying we blindly indoctrinate children.  On the contrary, we provide children with the facts, all of the information, and we provide disclaimers about the philosophical problems with “truth”—that these are theories based on research and prior scholarly articles—and the kids will make sense of the knowledge on their own.  It’s okay for kids to have contradicting ideologies.  Good and evil, sin and sainthood are two examples of opposing forces that children learn to deal with at a young age.  But ignorance leads to destruction.  At least if the kids have the information they will be prepared for situations they will encounter in the future.

So, sociologists! Journalists! Band together!  Together we can take research and scholarship and turn it into language and form that young people understand.  This knowledge should not be limited to an upper-level sociology course.  The concepts are easy enough to understand with some explanation and conversation as most things are.  If we combine research and scholarship and teen magazines, we can begin to open minds to what is outside of the charmed circle for a freer, happier future for all.